more halloween pics

Halloween!

Today we had a Halloween party at school. It was super fun. The kids looked quite skeptical as we put out newspaper, pumpkins, spoons and a bucket full of water and apples. But they had a blast as soon as things got going. Yesterday I saw a lady selling pumpkins at a vegetable stand. They weren't as orange or quite as big as the ones we use in the US, but I was really excited because it was my first time seeing them in India. She thought I was crazy when I asked for a whole one (she was selling it in chunks, by weight) and the fact that she didn't speak any English didn't help. Then she must have thought that I had completely lost it when I came back later that day and bought two more. How was one girl going to eat THREE whole pumpkins? Anyway, we split the kids into three groups: little kids, older boys, and older girls. I mostly dealt with the older girls. They looked at me like I was crazy when I told them that we were going to cut a face into a pumpkin. But as soon as I cut the lid out and told them to scoop out the insides, they loved it. They were happily disgusted by the orange goo, and all five girls put their spoons into the pumpkin at once. They took turns cutting out two faces on opposite sides of the pumpkin.

Next we bobbed for apples. The kids had done it once before so they all knew what to do. It involved much giggling, slobbering and splashing. Only Manisha was completely successful in getting an apple out of the water. Prativa and I both got bites out of an apple, but couldn't lift it out of the bucket.

I made Manisha let me paint her face, and she reluctantly said she wanted to be a cat. None of the other girls let us paint their faces. Two of the older boys got theirs done, and all of the little kids did. I have to say, all the ones who got painted were insanely cute. The girls painted all of the volunteers face. Manisha did my face. She copied the picture of the girl painted as a lion on the front of the face paint box. But when she finished, she decided I wasn't nearly colorful enough (especially compared to the other volunteers, who were getting original Indian designs), so she added splotches of color to my eyes, cheeks, nose and lips.

We handed out goody bags and Special K bars, and Subhamita gave out the new CRAWL uniforms. They're collared shirts with brown and white checks and black pants or skirts. When she described them to me, I was quite skeptical, but they're actually pretty cute.

When we cleaned up, Bobby and I balled up all the newspaper and other trash. She took me up to the roof and we threw it all down into the little stream that runs by the school. From all the other trash in it, its apparent that that's what everyone else does, too. Now I know where the man who collects the trash from the flat puts it. Its crazy.

I asked Bobby about leaving the uncarved pumpkin (the girls did one and the boys did one, but the little kids didn't) in the classroom as decoration, she looked at me like I was crazy. I may as well have suggested that we hang potatos around the room. I told her that in the US people decoarte their houses with pumpkins at Halloween, but I think she was unconvinced...

When school was over, we walked back the flat like always. People were staring with awe at the crazy Westerners with out faces painted in bright colors. Some people sneered, others laughed. I can say with complete honesty that all eyes were on us as we walked up Station Road.

~m

Diwali/ Kali Puja

Its Diwali right now, which is a three day festival that involves lots of fireworks. It celebrates Kali Puja, a Hindu god. Last night, Piya, Prativa, and Momita (not one of my students, but one of their friends who plays football with us) took the other volunteers and me around to see the pandals. They weren't nearly as big, nor as numerous as they had been for Durga Puja. We went to about six pandals and then we went to Prativa's house. They had us come in and sit down, and they gave us sweets to eat. The sweets had been on their alter to Lakshmi and Ganesha, so they probably went out to buy more for the gods after we left. Its part of Indian hospitality to feed their guests. So even though some of the students are really poor, we don't refuse the food they offer us because it is part of their custom to give food. They genuinely want to give us food, and they might even be... I don't know if offended is the right word, but they wouldn't understand why we were refusing the food if we didn't take it. So anyway, Prativa gave us Laddus, which are orange ball things that taste quite like honey corn bread. Partiva told me that in Hindi its pronounced ladDU, with the stress on the end of word, and in Bengali is LADdu. I think. Maybe its the other way around. But I found it interesting that its different in the two languages.
When we left Prativa's, we ran into Manisha and Mili, who had planned on coming with us to see the pandals, but their moms hadn't let them. Mili asked us to go to her house. It was my first time going there. Her house was small, but it was nice. They had electricity: lights, a fan, and even a TV. They had one chair and they unfolded a mat for us to sit on. The walls were concrete and the roof what either thatch or metal, I couldn't tell from inside because it had a plastic lining under it. Out of all of my students' houses I've seen, Mili's seems to fall right in the middle as far as how nice it is. Prativa's is the nicest one I've seen. So anyway, Mili's mom introduced herself, and they ran out to get us samosas, which were quite good.
We left Mili's house to go back to the school, where there was a fireworks show. On the way, we stopped by Bobby's house to ask if she wanted to go to Sodpur with us tomorrow, and we ended up staying there for an hour. She can't go to Sodpur because she's going to her in-law's house, but she talked to Piya's mom so that Piya could go. I'm not completely sure, but I was under the impression that she lied to Piya's mom, who is quite strict, and told her that she was going with us, so that Piya could go. I'm not completely sure though. When most conversations happen in Bengali, I'm a tad out of the loop.
Bobby served us fried chapatis (I don't know what else to call them). I'd had them in the States but had never really liked them. Lots of Indian restaraunts in the US serve them as kind of complimentary appetizers. Anyway, the ones Bobby gave us were fresh, and they were made with ground black pepper. They were quite tasty. Then Bobby's husband set off some fireworks for us, and the girls took pictures with our cameras. Prativa and Momita went home, and we went back into Bobby's house for tea and biscuits. Bobby wrapped a sari on Ellenoor and we took lots of pictures of all of us. It was a fun visit.
When we left, Piya took us the fireworks show by the school. They weren't quite as extravagant as the 4th of July shows I see in the states, but Khardah is just a small town, so I imagine the shows are much bigger elsewhere. Mind you, this was fireworks Indian style. That is, they were set off quite haphazardly, going dangerously close to buildings, people, trees, and power lines. When we had played football with the kids earlier that day, a few boys were setting off fireworks in the field while we were playing. There's just no caution about them. Several times when we were walking to see the pandals, people would set them off as we were coming towards them on the street. Anyway, the show was still fun, and the Khardah-ians seemed to really enjoy it. They cheered especially loud for the big fireworks that threaten to light them all on fire.

Earlier in the day yesterday, we went to the Blue Sky Cafe for breakfast, and then we went to New Market. Most of the shops were closed for the Puja though.
On Monday a new volunteer named Anna arrived from the States. She's a jewellery maker, and she brought a whole bunch of supplies for the women to make jewellery with that they can sell.
On Sunday, I went to the Nayak's house for dinner. The Nayaks are a family that Nancy, the US coordinator for CRAWL is friends with. They're an Indian family, but they lived in the US for awhile. They cooked me yummy (totally not spicy, they were extra careful) Indian food and their daughters played American board games (Clue and Othello) with me. It was nice to get out of Khardah and go somewhere different. They live in a nice apartment complex with trees and grass and bushes in it. Its not one of those disgustingly luxurious subdivisions, but it was solidly middle class. Its interesting to see how the Indians who are better off than my students live.

~m

On Wednesday and Thursday, I brought more kids to the Iway to e-mail previous volunteers. They really enjoyed it. I let some of the girls look at pictures of me on Facebook, and they were a little unsure about short shorts and prom dresses. They loved looking at the pictures though.
We've been playing football with the kids alot recently, which is quite fun. Yesterday when we finished playing, I splashed water on one of my student's face, and everyone went crazy. Later I found out that it was a big deal because I got her hair wet. They only wash their hair every couple of weeks, and they don't want it to get wet the rest of the time. Luckily she wasn't angry or anything... She actually jumped right into making football plans for next week.

Sealdah was busy today, but not hectic. No one got in fights or anything; they mostly acted sane. We gave out guava, bread, jam, and vitamins.

~m

On Sunday Sealdah was actually quite calm. The kids colored and we handed out food and did wound care and there were no problems.
The girls came for the computer class and I took them to the Iway so they could e-mail previous volunteers. A woman who was here earlier this year had set up e-mail addresses for them. However, when we got to the cafe', none of the girls knew their address, or even what provider (g-mail, yahoo, etc.) it was on. This is understandable because they really have no exposure to computers and the internet. Its just not something they really think or care about. Anyway, I opened new accounts for all of them and had them e-mail Nancy, the American woman who helped start CRAWL.
At school the kids drew vampires.
Yesterday morning, Ellenoor and Trina went the the Sunderban Tiger Reserve, where they'll be until Wednesday afternoon. So I went into Kolkata by myself. I went to a coffeeshop and read the news for awhile. Then I walked around the Park Street area and found this little independent bookstore that had all sorts of Communist and Marxists writing. I spent at least an hour browsing through there, and bought two books on globalization. Next, I made my way to the Oxford Bookstore where I was disappointed to find out that they don't carry any kind of workbooks for writing the Bengali script. I was hoping to find something that little kids use, but their selection is almost exclusively English. I'm a little frustrated by the lack of resources for learning Bengali. It would be much easier to get info on Hindi. I really want to do Bengali though, because that's everyones's first language here.
Anyway, I had a nice Indian lunch in town and then headed back to Khardah.
I played football with a bunch of my students and alot of other kids. The field was abuzz with activity. There were multiple football and cricket games going on at once, so were were confined to a very small corner of the field. It was hectic with so many of us playing in such a small area. It was fun though. After we finished playing, Prativa, Piya and Arati came back to the flat with me to keep me company since Ellenoor and Trina are gone. But they had only been there for about 20 minutes when Piya's mom showed up and they all left.
Today wasn't quite so eventful. I slept in, and then just did laundry and such when I got up. Four little girls (they were probably about 8 or 9) in school uniforms came to the door and wanted to talk to me. They examined my hands (white) and my hair (light brown) and asked me all sorts of questions in Bengali. I told them I don't speak Bengali, but that didn't keep them from trying. One of them showed me her English exercise book, which was interesting. It had things like singular and plural, and taught vocabulary like apple, cat, and ice cream. Eventually I figured out that the girls wanted candy. I don't know where they got the idea that I had candy, but whatever. As it turns out, we have a huge bag of candy that was left by a previous volunteer. I gave them each a piece and then they all shook my hand and left. It was pretty amusing.
After I get done here at the cafe', I'm going over to the field to play soccer with the kids again.

~m

Sealdah was pretty hectic today. Rita showed up late, so we didn't have the kids color because she said it was too late. Personally, I felt like we should let them color no matter what time we get there, but whatever... W aren't quite back up to the pre-Durga number of kids, but we gave food to 60-something kids today. Babai wasn't there, and people were extra rowdy. Adults were crowding in around us to try to get us to give them eggs. A few people stole them from us. We always feed all of the children and pregnent women before we feed any adults. Without Babai there to make them stand back, it was really hectic. People started fighting eachother to get close so they could get the extra eggs we had.
At school today the craft was making hats. We cut holes out of these huge gold paper plates and the kids decorated them. They were pretty cute.

~m

Today at school, I started long division with the intermediate kids. Prativa had done it before, but the extra practice won't hurt. Its not like with the older kids when they're way beyond what we're doing. Jayanto had either never done it, or done very little. He's a really bright kid, so he was catching on, but it was difficult for me to get him to work a whole problem because Prativa was so eager to answer. She really doesn't like math very much, but today she kept saying "Auntie, today math I like!" I told her math likes her today too, but she didn't understand what I meant.
With the advanced kids, I started doing things with perimeter, but they were so bored because they learned it so long ago. I let them do random math problems on the board, and just kinda play around until school was over. Next week I'll have something more challenging figured out for them.
Ellenoor, Trina and I went to the Penguine Inn for lunch. It was quite yummy.
Sealdah was incredibly empty today. Usually when I say that, I mean kids don't show up for food, but today there were actually fewer people in general at the station. Enough kids did come for food that we used it all, but it wasn't the usual mad rush. A lady came with a baby that she told us is one month and 11 days old. Like most babies I see at the station, she was teeny. I watched for a couple minutes and she was completely still. I was honstly beginning to doubt whether she was actually alive when she moved. She looked so sickly, I don't think she'll survive. Her little lips were all dry...
Some of the teenage boys that come are often high on something. Today they were more irritating than usual, probably because Babai wasn't with us. Females just aren't respected and listened to the way men are; we have no authority. The boys would try to take things out of our supply bag, and they were constantly in our faces, making it really difficult to distribute food to the other kids.

It wasn't a bad day, though.

~m

back to school

Today was our first real school day (as in not a craft day) in two weeks. I thought we would have really good attendance after the break, but I guess the kids weren't feelin the whole wake up early thing, so in fact only three of my students were there. No intermediate students came, so I watched while Trina taught English for an hour, and then she watched while I did my hour of math. Man am I glad that I'm doing math and not English. Grammar is probably the most boring subject in existence.
Before we went back to school, I looked over the syllabus that Bobby showed me when I first got here. Order of Operations is in fact not on the syllabus, but that's what she said they had been working on when I arrived, so that's where we started. Its crazy that we spent 5 weeks on Order of Operations alone, but that's how long it took for the kids to get it. My teaching skills drastically improved over the first five weeks too; the first two or three were probably not effective at all. I guess it isn't quite as bad when you consider that we only have three real school days a week. So anyway, I looked over the syllabus and figured that they'd probably already covered everything that was supposed to be taught from July to October in their real school. This included factors, multiples, and multiplying and dividing fractions and decimals. I had them do a few problems of each, and it was obvious that they knew how to do it already.
I did have difficulty explaining factors to them though, because they didn't have the English vocabulary for it. Subhamita happened to be there today, so she explained it to them in Bengali. Bobby, the school teacher, is a wonderful woman, but her English isn't good enough to be able to do this. CRAWL really needs an instructor who is fluent in both English and Bengali.
I asked Piya to show me what math she was working on in her Bengali school, and it involved simplifying fractions with radicals. This is something that I worked on when I was in 7th grade (which makes sense because Piya is in 7th grade) What's on the syllabus is work that I did in 4th grade. Some of the kids are just so far beyond what's on the syllabus. I'm sure that some of the kids who were not there today couldn't do some of the work though. That's really where the problem is, because they're all at such different levels.
When Subhamita came to the flat to meet the electrician, I talked to her about the problems I see with the syllabus. She told me some of the things on there aren't taught in Indian schools (like averages and percentages) and said I should teach those. I'm happy to do that, but that will not take 7 months to teach.
This is the problem with CRAWL. It has great ambitions, and the philosophy of the programs is good, but it really lacks structure and organization. I don't know how to offer suggestions without offending Subhamita and Kakoli though. As far as the syllabus, I'm not too worried, because I will follow one of the many text books laying around and just figure out for myself what the kids need to work on. What I'm worried about is what will happen when I leave and the kids are back to volunteers who only stay for a month or two.
Ellenoor and I decided to organize a big cabinet in the flat that has lots of story books and text books in it. (Its currently in complete disarray). We found a suggestion book for the volunteers that had been written in up to early this year. Suggestion that appear a year ago are the same things that need changing now. I also found a copy of the same syllabus I have buried under a pile of books, which suggests to me that they used the same one last year.
All this begins to make sense with the knowledge that Subhamita and Kakoli are both pursuing their PhDs currently. I found that out last week. So they have their hands extra-full.
I hope that I can find a way to help get the program organized better before I leave. There's definitely lots of work to be done...

Yesterday I was sick so I didn't go to Sealdah and really didn't do anything at all except work on college app essays. This morning I skipped Sealdah again because I wasn't sure how I'd feel, but when I did get up I was much better! I chilled around the flat for most of the day, working on app essays again. At four, Ellenoor and I went to play football with the kids from school. Arati, Prativa and Animesh played, as well as a few of Arati's friends (whose names I forget but couldn't spell anyways) and a few boys who were hanging out at the field. It was really fun, and we're gonna play again tomorrow, hopefully with more kids from school. The kids are endlessly amused that I turn pink when I run around for awhile. They all have those beautiful dark complexions, so I guess I look really unnatural to them. Some of the older guys that played were really good and they put my defense skills to shame. They were all really nice though. One of them heard me telling Arati that he was too good for me to keep up with. I don't think he quite understood what I was saying, because he apologized. We didn't keep track of the score, and the teams were shifting alot, so we just stopped playing when it started to get dark. (It gets dark early here) We walked around the neighborhood to cool off, and a huge group of little boys ran up to say hi to Ellenoor and me and ask us where we are from. Its like we have celebrity status here; people are always coming up to see what the deal is.

~m

Durga Puja

Durga Puja was so much fun! On Monday, Joy stopped by the flat to see if I wanted to play football (soccer). I said sure and Ellenoor and Trina came along too. A bunch of the girls came out in their brand new dresses (everyone gets new clothes for Durga Puja) to play with us. The teams were me, Joy, Ellenoor and Manisha vs. Piya, Mili, Arati and Trina. It was so hot and humid I thought I would die. It was really fun though!

That night the volunteers met the girls at school so they could take us around Khardah and show us all the pandals. (Pandals are the structures I was talking about, one of which they built right outside of school. They start as just bamboo shells, and then they put fabric or other things on them to make them look like solid buildings. Its an amazing transformation. Inside each pandal is a shrine to Durga Puja and her entourage. People file through to pray and look at the beautiful craftsmanship.) The girls all looked so beautiful all dressed up. Prativa held my hand the entire time we were walking. She just chatted away about all sorts of things. It was really sweet. I let the kids take pictures with my camera. Its a really exciting thing for them.

The next day all the volunteers and I got up early and went into Kolkata for breakfast. We ate at the Blue Sky Cafe', a place that caters to backpackers and tourists. I had an omelete and a pancake and it was delicious (though the pancake was more the consistency of a crepe) We walked down to Park Street and went to the Oxford Bookstore. Almost all the shops were closed because of Durga Puja. Then we walked up to New Market and shopped around for a few hours. It was way less crowded than the last time I was there, because of Durga Puja. I bought a luggage lock and Trina and I chipped in to buy a hot plate (the one at the flat broke). I also bought a new skirt to wear that night when we went back around to look at the pandals with the kids again. I had felt so drab in comparison to the girls who were all dressed up the night before. Also, all of my students and Bobby had kept asking me to get a new dress for DP, so I figred I'd buy into the culture and get something. We shopped around New Market and went into lots of shops that sold handicrafts - carvings, wall hangings, jewelery. I'm beginning to think of Christmas gift ideas. We had lunch at a place called Scoops, and we all got pizza. It was actually pretty good. On the way back to Khardah, the train was so empty. It was really nice! Yay Durga Puja!

That night was technically the boys' night to show us around, but Joy was the only boy who seemed interested in doing it, so (much to Joy's dismay) I invited the girls along again. At first they said they didn't want to come, but they soon changed their minds and Manisha and Mili came with us. That night it was Manisha who wouldn't let go of my hand. We walked alot further to see the pandals that we hadn't gotten to the night before. Once again, it was really fun. When I tried to take a picture of Manisha at one of the pandals, all of the children there (about thirty or so) tried to get in the picture too. As I said, cameras are very exciting objects.

The next day, Trina, Ellenoor and I took a cab into Kolkata to see the pandals there. The driver took us to the most unique ones, and they definitely upstaged all the ones we saw in Khardah. One looked like a Roman Catholic Church, another featured kites and another dolls. They were all really amazing.

After this, things began to slow down. On Thursday, three of the five people in the flat were really sick. By Thursday night, Robyn and I, the immune ones, were sick too. Because of this, today and Thursday have not been the most fun... I have gotten some work done on my app essay though, which is good.

All in all, this week has been really great! I'm beginning to love the kids so much; I can already tell its gonna be really hard to leave them.

Today at Sealdah, the drumming continued. The station was absolutely packed with Durga Puja travellers. (Think about how unusually busy airports get during winter and spring break times, and apply that concept to India). There were more kids today than there have been. Sipa, a girl who helps out distributing food, hadn't been there in awhile. She was there today and I asked her where she'd been and she said in her village. I don't know why she's back already when Durga Puja doesn't officially start until tomorrow, but lots of kids are in the same boat. Alot of the kids were wearing new clothes today. They'll probably wear that outfit until Durga Puja next year. We played with the kids for a long time today. We handed out soap and shampoo and some of the kids would take it and put it somewhere and come back and ask for more. A few of the little girls got really angry at me when I wouldn't give them more. They were yelling at me and stomping their feet. One minute they're the sweetest little things and the next they're having fits. I was not amused.
Tomorrow I'm meeting Mithi, an Indian girl who a previous volunteer gave me the contact for, in Kolkata. We're gonna look at the Durga Puja stuff and maybe go to New Market. Tomorrow night the girls from school are taking us around Khardah to see the DP stuff. Tuesday I will go into Kolkata with the other volunteers, and Tuesday night the boys from school will take us around Khardah. On Wednesday we're taking a cab into Kolkata to see all the DP stuff. The internet cafe will be close for DP, so idk when I'll write again.

~m

Today at Sealdah, there were hundreds of people in drumming circles to start off the Durga Puja rituals. It was pretty neat. Not surprisingly, there weren't very many kids there.
I found out today that CRAWL plans to send the school kids through university. The kids only attend CRAWL until they're 15, and then they have three more years of high school before they'd be ready to go to university, but I guess if they stay in school, then CRAWL has a plan to finance their university education. I don't know how much university costs here, but I was really happy to hear that. It really does provide upward mobility for the kids.
Two new volunteers arrived from Canada last night (early this morning). They're names are Debbie and Robin and they're in their late 40s. They're both fun, energetic people. They're only here for two weeks, but it will be fun.
At school today, we made dolls out of tongue depressors (or whatever they're called). We cut out cloth for their clothes and gave them pipe-cleaner arms and drew their faces on with marker. The kids really liked it. They all made at least two. I don't know if they will do this, but now at least they have little dolls to play with at home if they want to.
The girls were all over me today. They drew designs on my hands and arms. I was gonna play soccer with a bunch of the kids after school, but Bobby told me I couldn't go because the men play rough and they'd probably all try to hit on me too. So much for that. I will play sometime though, maybe when the field isn't in use.

~m

I've decided to only write when I actually have something to say. So when I have a day where school is normal, I take a nap, eat lunch, read, and do or don't have computer class but either way its not exciting, I'm not gonna post it on here. That doesn't make for very interesting reading material anyway. I keep wondering if there are things I should describe. Like, should I devote a post to describing the trains? I guess I don't know what's interesting to folks...

Anyway, we had a birthday/Durga Puja/Jen's last day party at school today. It was three kids' birthday: Joy, Arati and Dharmendra. We had birthday cake and Bengali sweets and crackers. All three of the birthday-people got a new outfit from CRAWL. And we handed out little packets of presents to everyone for Durga Puja (also from CRAWL) The packets had things like bubbles, balls, nail polish, head bands and stickers. Jen also gave the little kids (the group she works with, teaching the alphabet and stuff) coloring books and pens. It was pretty fun. I was kind of beat boxing to myself and some of the kids noticed and starting trying to do it too. It was really funny.
At Sealdah today, also because of Durga Puja, we gave out more food than usual. We got sixty little personal boxes of potato curry and some kind of Indian bread that I don't know the name of and walked around the station and handed them out with Bengali sweets. We didn't do wound care because it was raining.
Two more volunteers are coming tonight. One is from Canada and the other is from the US. Debbie, the Canadian, came last year and decided to come back again this year and bring Robyn, the American, with her. Tomorrow night a volunteer from Holland arrives. I don't anything about her except that she's from Holland... Jen is leaving tomorrow morning for Hyderbad, where she'll spend a few months doing research.

~m

October!

It kind of amazes me that its October already. I have spent an entire month, with room to spare on each end, in this country. In some ways, I guess it feels like it. In other ways, time flies. It does seem like quite awhile since I've been home. And it feels like I've spent many weeks here. However, I still feel mostly brand new. I am way more adjusted now than when I got here, but I still can't believe I've put down a whole month. Its like I'm still waiting to understand what its really like to be here; like I'm still just getting used to it. Compared to when I arrived though, I am used to it.
Today was not the most eventful. I got up a little early and went for an extremely short run before school. Next time I will go for longer. Attendace at school today was slim. Prativa, who hasn't missed a day since I've been here, was there as always, but my regulars in the advanced class weren't there. The only kids in the advanced class who were there were Joy and Arati, both of whose attendance is pretty inconsistent. Everything was fine, though the energy level was low. After school, I of course went back to sleep. I got up and had lunch and read until I went to the Women's group with Jen at four. Trina said she'd do the computer class today. The women's group meets in the same room we use for school. I actually didn't do anything at all. I just sat and watched the women stitch patterns onto fabric that will be used to make wall hangings, book marks, pillow cases, and bags. The things they make are then sold, and the money either goes back into CRAWL or to the women, I'm not sure which. Jen said it was the first day that the volunteers didn't do anything. Usually they draw the stitching patterns or something. I liked watching the women work though. None of them know very much English, so they didn't really talk to me.

Tomorrow is a national holiday, so none of the CRAWL programs will run. This means I getta sleep in, so I'm excited. I haven't slept in past 8 for two weeks...

~m